My life lesson at kumbh

Do you ever find yourself having expectations of an experience before you actually have the experience? Many of us build all kinds of expectations before going on an experience or meeting a particular person only to find out otherwise. Some of us even go WAY out of our way just to lower our expectations of an experience in order to not be hurt.

For most of us, accepting things the way they are is difficult. We never like to accept things the way they are. As humans, we have expectations of people and experiences. Moreover, we are constantly striving to change things, improve them and make them better. Many of us say and proclaim that we are here to ‘make the world a better place to live’. That’s important AND sometimes you also have to accept things the way they are.

This was exactly the lesson I had to learn when I arrived at the Kumbh Mela in India. For six years, I had been wanting to come to the Kumbh to experience the festival - to take the sacred river bath, meet ascetics and listen to the discourses given by saints. But to my surprise, when I arrived on Mahashivratri (technically the last day of the festival), there were plenty of people there but the saints and ascetics had all left to celebrate Mahashivratri in Varanasi. The famous processions weren’t happening and all the discourse tents were closed. To learn all of this when I arrived at the Kumbh was a shock to my expectations. When I learned this, I was disappointed and I expressed my disappointment to the organizer who had reassured me that Mahashivratri was a good time to visit the Kumbh. For someone looking to get the “full experience” of the Kumbh, it clearly was not the best day to be there.

I blamed myself for not having done enough research when clearly I had done a LOT. I blamed the organizer for not sharing this detail with me when I had explicitly asked him about it during the planning stages. I had been looking forward to this festival for six years and here I was finding myself disappointed the moment I had arrived.

I felt bummed and as is human nature, I complained. Yet there was nothing I could do to change all of this. I could fuel the internal disappointment further by blaming who was responsible for this or complaining about it. Even doing all of those things would not change the situation a bit. OR, I could accept the reality of the situation and decide how to BE with it.

After about half a day, it settled on me that I simply had to be with the reality of the situation. I had to accept the situation as is and then decide how I wanted to BE with it now that I was here.

Once I accepted that there is no changing what’s here right now, I could really BE with it. I could take in the sounds and the atmosphere. I could begin appreciating what is here already. I actually began to appreciate the absence of the ascetics and the discourses by realizing that I wasn’t being distracted by the visual display of the ascetics and discourses and actually can be with the spiritual energy of the place itself and take it all in. That’s the primary reason I came anyway.

That changed my entire experience of the festival from that point onwards. And I realized perhaps that is what was meant for me. That instead of getting caught up in the festivities, I was meant to connect with its deeper essence. And by doing so, I valued the experiences I came across and even the ascetics I did meet once I had dropped my attachment to certain expectations.

So here’s some questions for you -

• Is there a current situation, event or relationship that you haven’t fully accepted in life?

• What expectations do you have of this person or situation?

• What might become possible for you if you shifted those expectations?

~ Nitin